Kendall Alexander

September’s Intention: To Nurture

Summer came and went, and I would like a redo because what was that???  Never the less, I am grateful for the time I spent with myself quarantining.  As much as I hated quarantining at first (and still do), the new discoveries that I made about myself would have never happened. I’ve gone through the process of getting to know myself on a deeper level (which is scarier than it sounds).  I found that I was lacking the ability to nurture myself, can you relate? This month’s intention is to 

NURTURE

To care for and encourage the growth or development of 

Usually, when we hear the word “nurture”, it’s used as a character trait that society has made mandatory for women to have.  To nurture, is not a quality that comes automatically to all of us.  The way society looks down on us if we don’t have the nurture gene right away is tragic.  Believing that you are worth nurturing is the first step.  Once you believe this, the relationship that you form with yourself has a deeper level of intimacy to it.  Often times, our selflessness allows us to forget that we deserve to be cared for and encouraged as well.  

Where Do I Start?

The word “nurture” has so much depth to it that I don’t think we’ve grasped the true concept of what it means to nurture yourself.  It isn’t just another way of saying self-care.  Instead, think of how much love and affection you wanted and needed as a child.  That amount of affection is what you need to provide for yourself now. To care for and encourage ourselves in such an unconditional way is telling of how deep our love runs.  Sometimes the concept of self-nurturing gets so overwhelming, it becomes difficult to know where to start.

You’ve Come So Far

Nurturing yourself is more than just pushing yourself to be great and to do great things.  It’s about being there for yourself and saying “although you aren’t where you want to be yet, you’ve come so far”.  However if you’re going to get this far, you actually have to LISTEN.  You might have the horrible habit of ignoring the emotions you feel for the more “pressing” or the more“important” things in your life.  You are the most important thing in your life.  If you’re energy isn’t okay, the energy that you put into doing anything won’t be genuine. While it’s easy to understand the concept, applying it proves challenging.

Nurturing is a Continuous Process

Too often we treat ourselves harshly in the hopes that it will push us to be better.  We forget that there is an inner child in all of us that needs to be nurtured and loved everyday.  This is a process that we will constantly have to go through.  For humans, the need for attention and love is constant, and this means that nurturing yourself has to be continuous.  I can’t wait to dive into this with you this month✨

Treat Yo’ Self

Yassss Girl!  When I first had the idea to write this post I was anxious!  I felt like I was going to be judged for wanting nice things for myself even though I haven’t reached all of my goals yet. Then I realized that this is what we’re conditioned to think. We’re raised to believe that we don’t deserve nice things unless we’ve reached the peak of our goals, and are financially stable enough to do so.  Before then, it’s struggle, struggle, struggle, and struggle so more.  How are you going to learn how to love or be loved if you don’t treat yourself?  

Treat Yourself Like Someone You Love

There are 5 love languages, choose the ones that speak to you.  The ones that you didn’t get to experience in the past might be best to try out on yourself first.  Treat yourself like someone you love, because you are someone you love.  The way you treat yourself is the way you allow others to treat you.  You deserve to feel and be loved, but you need to be able to communicate how you want to be loved first.  The only way to do that is to treat yourself the way you know you want to be treated.

Stop and Smell the Lavender

Society has us believing that we can’t succeed unless we struggle without happiness.  This is purely idiotic and detrimental to us all. You’re allowed to treat yourself to something nice while you’re persevering through life. If you’re anything like me you are way to busy with succeeding to remember that you can breathe and smell the lavender (I like the smell of lavender better than roses)  along the way.  If you can’t think of the last time you treated yourself, that’s a problem.  Just going through the motions of life and not enjoying it until society makes you feel like you deserve to enjoy it, is not living.  It’s limiting.

Create Your Own Definition

Also, there isn’t a universal way on how to treat yourself.  The notion “treat yourself” can mean something different to all of us.  It doesn’t have to be about spoiling yourself with riches (or it can be if you can afford it).  Going out of your way to do something nice for yourself because you deserve to be loved is my definition of treating yourself.   Don’t let social media dictate the way you treat yourself.  Just because it isn’t an IG worthy pic doesn’t mean it didn’t do the job.  

Head Over to my IG for more Tips

On my IG story this week I gave some tips on how to think of ways to treat yourself! Don’t worry I’ll add the video to my IGTV series labeled “Words of Wisdom 🙏🏾”. This video will give you a better idea of how easy it can be to come up with ways to treat yourself.  

This week’s Tea With Me 🍵✨  episode was about how you need to be able to treat yourself in ways that fits your lifestyle! 

Persevering Through Hair DISCRIMINATION

Hair Discrimination

Endless Natural Haircare Struggles…

I could talk about natural hair for so long they still wouldn’t have passed the CROWN Act. in every state.  I don’t want to overload you with the endless natural haircare struggles.  As I’m writing this, I’m realizing how crazy it is that every black girl with hair coming out of their head can relate to some type of struggle with their hair.  In a way persevering through our hair care journey keeps us connected. Something I wish we all weren’t able to relate to is the discrimination of our natural hair.  If you feel confused or can’t relate, and you’re wondering what’s the big deal about a bad hair day. Know, that there are levels to this shit, so just read.

Hair Discrimination

Having to Persevere TWICE

I’m not going to get into the transitioning struggles of natural hair.  Just know that every time we do a protective style while transitioning there’s a 60/40 chance that it will not work out and our day will be ruined.  In this post I wanted to shed light on the fact that persevering through transitioning to natural hair simply isn’t enough.  After you’ve made it to the finish line you basically have to start all over again and persevere through the many obstacles that society will put in your way because they refuse to accept your hair.  

Hair Discrimination

There are many different situations where black women can face hair discrimination.  Black women often hear negative comments about their hair when they wear it natural.  When people see something that goes beyond their imagination they become either curious, offensive, or both.  Black women, then are often expected to do things that would better fit how society wants them to be. On the other hand, if we refuse to adhere to how society wants us, we are forced to over explain why we look the way we do. We can’t win! 😩

Workplace Struggles…

In the workplace, working through negative comments about your hair takes a certain type of patience. You’re not in a social setting where you can speak whatever comes to mind, so you have to be extra careful with your words.  You can curse them out in your head, but in the physical world I’m sure you would much rather like to keep your job. Remind whoever had the audacity to try you at work that all hair textures are different.  What might be acceptable or neat to them will look differently on your hair texture.  Then walk away sis, you shouldn’t need to go through this situation in the first place 😭I know this might not have been the answer you were hoping for but I promise it works, and the best part is you can still keep your job!

R-E J-E C-T-ED, REJECTED!

Have you ever been rejected because that person didn’t like the way your hair looked?  I have 🙋🏾, and it stung at the time to know that the person didn’t like me due to my thick and curly, hair. At the end of the day I knew that I was a baddie💁🏾.  This situation opened my eyes up to how black women are constantly treated differently depending how their hair looks.  Isn’t that tragic?  I’ve seen it and experienced every time I switch up my hair.  From experiencing this, I learned to be specific about who I let in my presence.  

The Crown Act.

Black women are discriminated against because of their natural hair so much that they had to conjure up a whole entire law to protect themselves. The CROWN Act was created in 2019 to protect people against discrimination against hairstyles that are race-based.  The fact that we had to create a law, shows how prevalent this issue is.  Unfortunately, this law was passed in only 7 states, by clicking HERE you can sign the petition to help pass this law in your state. 

Stop With The Toxic Positivity!

This week we’re focused on how toxic positivity can ruin the satisfying feeling of persevering

Let Yourself Feel

 I used to be one of those friends that would drown you in positivity if something went wrong in your life (yes, I’m so ashamed!!!).  It wasn’t until a friend did the exact same thing to me, when it made me realize that positivity in difficult situations isn’t always helpful.  Sure it helps to keep a positive outlook on life in general.  However, we should all be realists and stop playing ourselves.  If you’re upset or going through a trying time your allowed to feel the emotions that come with that.  

Toxic Positivity

Don’t Oversimplify Your Emotions with Toxic Positivity

When we stuff positive quotes like “everything will be fine” or “stay positive, things could be worse”down our throats, it makes us forget what reality really is.  If you’re truly upset about something saying positive phrases isn’t going to make you okay again.  Don’t try to oversimplify the way you’re feeling.  You feel how you feel, and that’s it.

Negative feelings and emotions need to be felt and dealt with when they appear, not whenever your positive phrases lose relevance.  Negative thoughts can happen just as often, if not more than positive ones.  It isn’t fair to your body and mind to keep stuffing your true emotions down, and replacing it with positive bullshit.  

Be Real With Yourself

Persevering isn’t something that we all jump at the chance to do. While the concept seems positive, it is also trying.  In order for you to actually persevere you need to have something to persevere through.  Which means that struggling and feeling unmotivated in inevitable.  Be real with yourself about it, it makes the process easier. The journey getting tough and the feeling of wanting to quit is perfectly normal, shit gets rough. Let’s all normalize that shit gets rough instead of being toxically positive about it.  

We act like we can handle everything, and we’ll be fine even when we truthfully aren’t sure.  You are not the only person who feels this way. Thinking this makes us feel lonely, when the truth is we’re all just trying to wing it.  We deserve a better award for persevering other than the satisfaction of it because it takes a lot of strength.  But we won’t know how much strength it truly took if we act like the hardships and struggles that we went through weren’t real.

The next time you feel like you’re in a trying or difficult place in your life, tell yourself that.  This is a trying and difficult time, and although you know you’ll come out on top because you’re determined to persevere.  It’s okay to admit that getting through life right now is proving difficult.  Let me know how this goes for you✨

August’s Intention: Perseverance

August is here!  It feels like the months are just rolling over, but I’m determined to differentiate.  I don’t like the feeling of not being able to track time and growth (even though time is an illusion).  If we can’t track our growth then we won’t be able to see our advancement over a period of time.  You should be proud of how far you’ve gotten despite all of the obstacles and walls that we’re put up against you.  No matter what, you kept going!  This month’s intention is 

Perseverance 

Continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure or opposition

Maybe We Should Practice Avoidance

Often, when we talk about perseverance we think it’s amazing that we’ve been through all of this hardship and kept going.  Yet, those of us who do struggle with the “difficulties, failure, or opposition” are looked down upon for wanting out.  Sometimes I feel like there is an incessant need for us to deeply struggle in the world before we come out on top.  The need to struggle instead of not struggling (if that’s an option), slows our progress down.  Not everything requires your perseverance, instead some things require your avoidanceWhy go through the unnecessary pain that generations before us have made into a tradition, if we don’t have to? I’m not saying that we’re not going to struggle and have hardships in life.  We should be able to go through the hardships and obstacles that are specific to our lives and what we chose for ourselves. 

Perseverance Needs to Be Worth It

I’m all here for perseverance, I just want it to be worth it.  Persevering through a journey on a path that you didn’t chose yourself is a waste of your time.  If you’re going to persevere at least put that “continued effort” into something that is worth it.  Your path is yours and only yours.   Don’t let others force you to go through an unnecessary struggle, simply because they say that’s what’s best.  Persevering is only worth it if your end goal stays the same throughout your entire journey.  But if it changes, so should your hardships and struggles.  In other words you shouldn’t be struggling or facing obstacles for something that you don’t even want to do with your life.  If you’re plans change does this mean that your struggles will get easier? No, it just means they change. 

Don’t Be Embarrassed

What we don’t talk enough about is whether persevering is even worth it.  Often times, we set out to do something with our lives and try to stick to that path because changing our minds can be embarrassing.  Society makes it embarrassing, it’s perfectly normal to not have the same job for 50 years. We are all multifaceted, but the  environment that we live in makes it hard for us to explore all of the possibilities within us.  I want us to all explore ourselves as much and as often as possible.  We are always growing and changing.  We owe it to ourselves to see what we can become.  You are not bound to anything in life.  Not to a place, not to people, and you are not bound to your initial or latter thoughts.  Struggle is inevitable, so why make persevering harder than it needs to be?

Wipe The Dust Off That Journal!

Journaling

This week were talking about how journaling is a very necessary source of self-care.  I think by now we all know the many benefits of journaling, but I’ll give you a refresher anyway:

Manages your anxiety

Reduces stress

Helps declutter your mind

Boost your mood

Enhance your sense of well-being

Vacillating

The greatest benefit that comes from journaling in my personal opinion is the release I feel when I’m finished.  My mind is constantly racing with thoughts, and the only time it feels like I can slow down and breathe is when I sleep.  This isn’t fair to my mental and emotional health. Our thoughts need to organized, and the best way to do that is by journaling!! 

Feel Seen Through Journaling

Journaling also helps us to feel heard.  We hold a lot of tension in our body because we can’t find an outlet to release and feel seen.  Journaling can be that outlet!  The sense of relief I feel after journaling is unmatched.  My mind is clearer and I am able to face obstacles in my day more efficiently because my thoughts are organized.

Deal with the Discomfort

Journaling is one of those things that pertains to self-care not only being about face masks and bubble baths.  It can be uncomfortable to be alone with our thoughts, but it’s a necessary discomfort.  Journaling allows you to deeply reflect on yourself  because all of your thoughts are written out and staring back at you.  It’s up to you to put in the work and adjust what needs adjusting. 

Things I’ve Learned

One of the challenges I face when it comes to journaling is finding the time to do it!  In the morning when I wake up my mind isn’t always racing with thoughts to write down.  Additionally, in the  evening I’m too tired to even put a pen to the paper.  The two things I learned from facing this challenge was that:

A. Journaling isn’t only about writing down the thoughts that are going through your mind.  How you’re feeling is worth writing about!  If there’s anything that will care about feelings, it’s your journal girl!  I realize that your feeling might be a bit hard to write about off rip, so I am going to provide some journaling prompts to help you along the way.

B. I’m human just like you, and I still struggle with finding time in the day to journal consistently.  Every time I write in my journal it’s purposeful, I’ve never just journaled on a whim.  In other words you must make the effort!

Some Journaling Prompts To Help

Today I’m Feeling Like The Color….

I’m Grateful For….

Some of the Challenges I’ve Faced Lately Have Me Feeling…

Today I’m Manifesting…

Hopefully these help!  Feel free to tell me some of your favorite writing prompts in the comments!    Also, let me know how these prompts work for you, I love feedback!  Don’t forget to sign up for my newsletter!

SELF-CARE FROM WITHIN

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Cleanse Yourself Naturally!

Self-care from within is something we don’t talk about enough!  How can we be spoiling ourselves on the outside, but treating our insides like shit?? It doesn’t work like that sis!! Let’s talk about DETOXING!!!  When I hear the word “detox”, my insides want to cringe because it just sounds like a painful process.  Let’s call it “CLEANSING” instead!  Detoxing or Cleansing can be painless and easy, you just have to know what to do!! 

Benefits!

The best part of Cleansing your body from within are the BENEFITS!! Let me a give you a run down of some of the amazing benefits!!

– Digestion Improvement

– Luxurious Skin

– Boosted Energy

– Inflammation Reduction

– Mental Health Improvement

If you want to know more, research it so that you can see the benefits for yourself!  Now let’s talk about some of the easy ways that you can cleanse your body!!

Warm Water with Lemon

  • Personally, I think this is one of easiest ways to cleanse your body naturally! Starting your day off with warm water and a freshly squeezed lemon will get you right girl!  Drinking this flushes out the toxins in your body.  If you want to be extra add some ginger for better results.  Doing this will improve your digestion and boost your metabolism.

Green Tea

  • Ya’ll know I had to include some type of tea! That coffee that you have every morning is NOT helping you girl! Make the time to swap your coffee with green tea.  Green tea has caffeine in it so won’t be dragging in the morning, but if you don’t feel like its enough buy green tea with matcha!  Aside from just being better for you green tea does a great job at cleaning your digestive system while boosting your bodies metabolism.

Chlorophyll Water

  • This has been my favorite way to detox thus far!  The results have been AMAZING!!! Girl, my skin’s been *sings in my Beyonce voice*, SHINING SHINING, SHINING, SHINING YEAHHHH! The benefits of chlorophyll feels endless, which is great since it’s such an easy way to cleanse yourself.  Chlorophyll is basically what gives plants that reach green color. What’s really great about chlorophyll is that there are many different ways you can ingest it, just incase you hate the way chlorophyll water tastes (it taste like plant water, but you can get mint flavor!)  If you purchase chlorophyll liquid you can mix a teaspoon of it in a 8 oz. water bottle to make chlorophyll water and drink that for the day.  Or if you don’t want to be stuck with it all day you can drink chlorophyll shots which would make it a detox shot.  Or you can take it in pill form.  The possibilities are endless and so are the benefits! Some of these benefits are:

– Oxygenates Your Body 

– Helps Boost Energy 

– Blood Building Properties 

– Antioxidant and Nutrient Rich

– Increases Cellular Energy Production

– Helps your skin stay CLEAR

– Cancer Fighting 

– Anti Aging 

Let Me Know About Your Cleansing Process!

See I told you there were hella benefits!! Detoxing or Cleansing does not have to be a big hassle if you don’t allow it to be!  Start with trying to do things on this list and go from there.  You got this girl! Comment and let me know how this goes for you!!

Retail Therapy on a Budget, or Thirft Shopping!

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Girl, I’ve been waiting a while to write a short little piece about thrifting.  It is my LIFE.  I don’t understand how more people don’t thrift shop.  Especially, my college students out there.  If you are on a budget or money is tight but you still want to express yourself to the fullest through fashion, thrifting is right for you!  You will literally never go out of style because the clothes are timeless.  If you’re not a vintage type of person there are still clothes for you!  Most of the fears I’ve heard from people who are afraid to thrift is that the stores are dirty and they don’t want to be seen wearing other people clothes.  First, please get over yourself, this is why you have a washer and dryer.  Wear a mask, put on some gloves, and get to work.  Additionally, we’re in the business of keeping SUSTAINABLE CLOTHES.  None of that fast fashion shit.  We are trying to save the planet, not kill it with clothes that will go out of style in 2 months.  Try your local thrift store, they’re probably open. Don’t forget to wear a mask! Please send me your thrifted fits I want to repost them on my page and website!

July’s Intention: Being Grounded

Currently, it feels like the world is being pulled in many different directions. Calamities are now normalized, and the weight of them have become overbearing .  I find myself getting used to bloodshed because that has become our new normal, and I hate it here.  The space that we’re living in has my spirit feeling stressed and uninspired, due to the many directions my mind and energy are being pulled.  This month’s intention is about being

G R O U N D E D

Being grounded is something that we should all constantly strive to be.  However, it’s something that we often forget we have to work towards.   Feeling grounded does not happen because we want it to, we have to work towards it the same way we have to work towards all the things we want in life.  Staying grounded should be on the top of the list of things that you are prioritizing because it contributes to your peace of mind.  Often times, our peace of mind can be left on the back burner as a result of the many things that we are trying to balance in our life.  If we’re not careful, that connection that kept us grounded can be broken and we can start to feel lost.  

Pay Attention

Let’s dedicate this month to being and staying grounded.  You might unknowingly be doing things that contribute to being rooted in the space that you’re in.  You also might be doing things that add to the chaos of being pulled in different directions.  The point is to pay attention.  What are the wellness activities that actually contribute to a better you?  This is completely subjective to you, but it still needs to be healthy for you.  You indulging in bad habits because they feel good are not going to contribute to your peace of mind.  This is where the hard work comes in.  You have to filter out the bad behaviors that are contributing to the chaos.

There Has to be a Balance

The feeling of being grounded to me means that there is a balance between how still and active I’m being. There has to be a balance, if too much energy goes in either direction I feel like I am drifting away.  To help with this I practice behaviors and activities that make me connected to the earth, people, and energy around me.  These activities vary from person to person because wellness is subjective. One of my favorite things to do that keep me grounded is spending as much time as possible in nature.  It’s a bit ironic because I’m scared of bugs, but it’s still one of my favorite places to be.  Something about being outside makes me feel safe and alive. What are the things that make you feel like that? 

Keep it Consistent

If sitting in nature is not for you, or your environment doesn’t allow you to do something like that then do activities that work for you.  Some activities that I do are yoga, listening to music (you can get my playlist here), meditate and journal, masturbate, try my best not to kill my plants and drink a shit ton of tea (but you probably knew that already).  My wellness activities don’t have to be yours, what do you enjoy doing that makes you feel centered?  Whatever they are, you need to fight to keep them consistent in your life.  They have more of an influence over you than you know. 

P.S. I was featured in Feedspot’s Top Black Millennial Blogs & Websites to Follow in 2020!!! I’m grateful to know that my hard work is being recognized <3

My Juneteenth Celebration | Making Cornbread

What is Juneteenth?

For those of you who might not know, Juneteenth is a yearly celebration of when slaves were made aware that they had been freed.  This happened on June 19,1865.  However, the Emancipation Proclamation was signed in 1863, this was the document that technically freed slaves.  Unfortunately, no one informed them that they were freed until 2 YEARS later…  This is relevant today because it shows that when it comes to justice for Black People in America, there is always a delay.

Growing up in a West Indian household never allowed me to really understand what Juneteenth was.  In fact, I never new it was even a thing until my second year of college.  This delayed notice had me feeling like I was missing out on so many things when it came to the history of black people.  Now that I have educated myself I celebrate it every year by cooking, because I love to eat.  This year I plan on cooking southern homemade Cornbread!! I love food so I’m always excited to cook.  But I really love bread so this just makes me extra excited.

History of Cornbread

So lets give a quick history lesson of how and why cornbread came about.  When slaves were forcibly put on American shores they socialized with the Native Americans (who were the corn masters).  Cornmeal was crucial in order to survive.  Cornbread was first prepared by black people who needed to find a way to feed themselves, and then later it was used to feed the ones they served.  Now cornbread is thought of as a southern culinary tradition, but many of the things that have made it special have been lost over time through appropriation.  

I Followed Two Recipes Because I’m Extra

When I was searching for the recipe I obviously wanted to reference a black food blogger.  To my disappointment I only found two recipes that were created by black people (black women to be specific) through my google search.  Why is that you say? Why was it so hard to find a meal originally created by black people on the internet?  Many times people will follow a version that has been appropriated rather than the original. However, this is Juneteenth and I would be remiss if I didn’t celebrate it accordingly.  I combined Brandi’s and Jocelyn’s recipe because I’m extra, and it worked out great!

Here’s How It Turned Out!

`After combining both recipes in my own little way and hoping for the best, this is what they turned out like. Full video of how I made the cornbread is on my IG! @letsget.intoit