Kendall Alexander

My CATASTROPHE With Pressure

The fact that I’m feeling under pressure to write a blog post about pressure is pretty telling of this Catastrophe.  I want to write about this because I think we can all relate to the pressure we force onto ourselves and the pressure that society shoves down our throats.  Before this quarantine I realized that I was drowning in pressure, and I can only say that because now I am breathing freely and without worry.  There are many times that pressure can feel like it’s suppressing you and all of the amazing things that you’re capable of.  Looking back I realized that I was making my life harder because of factors I could not control.  Let’s elaborate shall we…

I’m the type of person to put lots of personal pressure on myself, and on top of that (although I know I shouldn’t) I let societal and peer pressure get to me as well.  Pressure hits me from all directions and for a long time I thought there would be no escape from it.  Living a life where you’re constantly straining to get by, despite the pressure that you feel, is not living at all.  It brings on unnecessary anxiety, and it will always have you feeling like you can not produce good work unless you are under pressure.

Being a black women has made me feel like pressure is just something comes with being born black and a women.  Society expects you to fail so you have to work twice as hard (pressure), you expect yourself to triumph despite all the obstacles the world puts in your way (pressure), and the people that surround you want to keep you where they want you (more and more unnecessary pressure).  Not to mention the daily negative thoughts you have about yourself and the lack of progress you’ve been making despite whatever troubling circumstances your in.  You’ve based this “lack of progress”on an imaginary timeline that has more unrealistic expectations.  These are thoughts that used to go through my head everyday.  Can you relate?

All of this forces me to carry so much tension and stress, and what seems like the only way out is to keep moving forward.  Eventually it’ll get better right? Negative, moving forward without addressing all this pressure and expectations keeps you in the vicious cycle. Which causes you to hate yourself more and more because you didn’t work well enough under pressure by your standards.  

The only way out is to quite literally to just stop.  Stop having expectations, stop giving into the pressure, and stop with the self loathing.  But I will admit that this is a beyond difficult thing to do unless you have amazing discipline or you’re literally forced to stop.  This is because life goes on whether we’re pressured or not.  It goes on and it doesn’t care how you feel.  It doesn’t care if you hate yourself because you can’t reach your unrealistic expectations… it just keeps going.  So in turn, you feel like you need to keep going.  But life has stopped for most of us because of COVID-19, and it was a blessing in disguise for me because it released me.  I’m not too ignorant to say that the virus will have the same effect on everyone.  People are dying, losing jobs and it feels like we’ll never be allowed outside again. I just hope my catastrophe was the sign you needed to break free of whatever you need to break free from. 

Please, Just Stop with the self sabotage

Mind Boggling

I know the title sounds like I’m begging you just a bit, but bitch I am!  In fact I’m more begging myself, because it would suck if I didn’t practice what I preached. You ever feel like you’re learning the same lessons over and over again?  You ever feel like bad shit just keeps happening to you? The world is against you?  Think everyone is out to get you?  Sounds like a familiar feeling to me!  I almost forgot about how everyone is to blame for your downfall except yourself!  That’s a big one!  All of these not so mind boggling questions have a common theme, and that my friend is called self-sabotage.  You are most definitely not the only person who feels this way, but somehow you have tricked your mind into thinking that.  Allow me to bring you back to your self sabotaging reality.  Some of you might not relate to all of those questions 100% word for word, but even if you feel the slightest hint of one of them, you fall into the self sabotaging category.  Welcome : )

Acknowledgment is the First Step

To me you never really know if you’re self sabotaging yourself unless someone calls you out on it, and then suddenly its like you were awakened from your self-sabotage trance out of nowhere.  Well allow me to awaken you!  However, if you feel like you’ve just been awakened and all this self-sabotage has just started in your life, I’m going to have to wake you up again to tell you that you’ve actually been doing this for a long time.  Self sabotage builds, it doesn’t just happen all at once.  You’ve been doing it for a while my love.  But the first step is acknowledgment, so I’m proud of you already.


However, if you’ve done nothing about it because you don’t think it’s that serious then I take my admiration back.  Self-sabotaging is more serious than it sounds, no matter what part of your life it relates too.  I feel like if we think that if most of our life is going well we can push our self-sabotaging to the side because we think it doesn’t really matter.  Well chile, try again.  

Don’t you want to break the cycle of bad shit happening to you because it’s probably your fault? Or are you still in denial???  Take it from me, the universe is trying into teach you lessons that you keep ignoring.  So you’re just going to keep ending up in the same situations over and over again until you realize that it’s not just a coincidence anymore.  So how about we stop the self-sabotage and start the self-care, the self-regard, and the self-respect.  Self care is not always going to be a hot bath with some candles and blunt after a long day.  It can be exhausting, but worth it.  Although, this is only going to work if you have to believe that you’re worth it, or else all of this will go to shit.  

Pay Attention to Your Habits

This is not a “how to” stop self-sabotaging article, this is a WAKE TF UP AND START REALIZING YOU SELF- SABOTAGING TENDENCIES article.  I can’t tell you how to stop self-sabotaging and anyone else who says they can are liars.  I say this because we all self-sabotage in different ways and we all have to stop ourselves in different ways.  I’m also not here to give you an easy way out because there is no easy way out of self-sabotaging.  I’m here to be honest with you because I don’t want you to get stuck in this cycle of wondering why all this shit is happening to you.  It starts with you and it ends with you.

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April’s Intention: Acceptance

Photographer: Joelle.Alexandria
Stylist: Isiah Chan

March felt like 365 days instead of 31 and I’m happy it’s done because the amount of emotions I went through in that 31 day period were enough to last me a year.  Reassurance was a hard thing for me to accomplish in March because I refused to be okay with what was happening around me.  I was definitely one of those people who ignored what was happening with COIV-19 around the world.  I have the flight receipts to prove it.  The question is will I even be able to get on that plan? Probably not.  I didn’t want to believe all of the things people were saying about how bad things were getting until it directly effected me.  Which is predictable but disappointing because things shouldn’t have to effect you directly for you to take it seriously. That being said this months intention is…


This is pretty fitting because a lot of us tend to lack this.  We don’t want to accept or adjust to the times that we’re in and thats’ understandable.  I recently talked about this in my latest podcast episode titled “Adjusting and Adapting Takes Time”.  Adjusting to new environments is hard even if this new environment is our home.  It’s hard because saying in our homes longer than w’ve ever been before can get uncomfortable quickly.  But the first step is ACCEPTANCE.  Ya’ll, we need to start accepting the times that we are in and making the best out of the situation.

This can mean anything you want it to mean.  There is no wrong way to cope with what we’re going through, unless that coping mechanism includes going outside and trying to socially interact with people.  I just want you to accept the times that you are in, and this means accepting how you feel in these times.  There is not wrong or right way to feel.  Don’t feel pressure to do all of the things you never got to do before because now you have the time.  Trust me you don’t have as much time as you think you have.  Don’t get mad at yourself laying around all day when you “could have been doing something productive”.  Even if it doesn’t feel like it, you are doing the best you can for the environment that you’re in, and that environment is home.  So how much motivation could you possibly have?

Not only do we need to accept the mechanisms that we’re using to cope with the times, as I said before we need to accept our emotions.  I know for me this part is a bit more problematic.  I always think that I should be thinking in a different way than I actually am.  Not living up to the expectations of the emotions that I think I should be having is exhausting and just idiotic. I can’t tell myself to feel a certain way, I feel what I feel, and that’s it.  The same goes for you.  Feeling anxious, relieved, sad, melancholy, indifferent?  Those are your emotions.  They are aren’t right or wrong so don’t suppress these feelings, feel them.  Letting yourself feel emotions sometimes feels air is leaving your lungs, but it is more necessary than you know.  This is something that I have learned quite recently.  

So this month we need to buckle down and get in tune with ourselves, because all we have is time.  Take the time to feel whatever you’re feel and let your body and mind go through it, don’t push it away.


March’s Intention: Reassurance

This photograph was taken by amazing photographer Joelle Hessing, and styled by the very creative eye of Isiah Chan

It’s not surprising that February came and went as quickly as it did, but being unapologetic is something that we all should be doing every day. The amount of strength and resilience it takes to live in your truth is immeasurable.  As we slide into this month it would do you well never to forget that.  This month has more days than the last, so I think it’s okay not to dive in head first, it might get a little over whelming.  This Month’s Intention is…


– Removing ones doubts and fear

When I say reassurance, I’m not talking about from others.  I say this because the truth is you can’t always rely on the people around you to reassure you.  You need to reassure yourself, and this is called self-reassurance my friends.  We will all doubt ourselves from time to time, but what are the ways we combat this?  The fact of the matter is that we don’t always have the time to wallow in our self-doubt and low self esteem, so finding ways to reassure in a way where we actually believe what were telling ourselves is key

  1. Whenever you start to doubt yourself when it comes to your career, look into the people who have already made it in your field or a field similar to yours.  When were working hard is often hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  But when we see examples of people who look like us and are accomplishing the goals we want to accomplish, we know its possible for us.  If you’re the first person doing what you’re doing and can’t find many examples of other peoples success in your field, look into the successful stories with people who were the first too.  All things start somewhere, and the person behind it was just like you.
  1. Constantly tell yourself that you can only do your best and nobody else’s.  Through social media we see a sped up version of everyone’s success stories with out their struggle.    No one is transparent so it’s important to know that you’re only seeing the good parts.  Also, everyone’s circumstances are different.  Some of us have more connections than others.  So don’t hold it against yourself when you’re not where you want to be right now.  You are only doing the best that you can do, and your time time will come.
  1. Remember that reassuring yourself is something that you have to work towards.  It’s hard to convince yourself that you’re the shit, when you genuinely don’t believe it. So take your time, because there’s levels to this shit.  The hard part is getting yourself to believe your positive attributes more than the negative ones.  You are enough and you are worth it, there is nothing more too it.  SAY THAT AGAIN.

The goal is to never get pass the point where reassuring ourselves is no longer possible, because we simply don’t believe in ourselves.  Once we get to this point it’s hard to convince ourselves otherwise. Another thing to note is that this month’s intention is about self reassurance, not finding reassurance in others.  You can’t always rely on the people around you to lift your spirits.  They might have their own shit going on, or they just might not be the right person to do it.  You are not always going to have someone around to make you feel better about your self, and associating a person with giving you confidence and praise is unhealthy if you can’t do it your self.  So use these steps to help you reassure yourself, and let me know how it goes!

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Let’s be unapologetic this month. #Febuary’sIntention

As I have said before, last month took too damn long to end.  But we are finally in a new month and I’m feeling better already!  It’s BLACK HISTORY MONTH, so of course you already know I’m in a good mood.  This month is about celebrating my culture and community without apologizing.  By this I mean that we are celebrating who black people are and how far we’ve come.  The amount of strength and resilience that black people have had to gain over the many years is immeasurable.  Saying that I am proud to be black is an understatement, more like ecstatic, honored, and grateful for the blessings that this beautiful skin has bestowed upon me.  Like the Queen B says, our skin shines like pearls.  This month’s intention is about being 


unwilling to apologize

Please Stop With the Apologies.

I apologize to people for absolutely no reason.  Do you know how stupid this makes me feel after the fact??? I apologize just for apologizing.  There’s no need for it, but I do it so that other people can feel comfortable in my presence.  Why is it that I feel like my presence would make people feel uncomfortable around me, you ask? Because of who I am and what I look like. But I refuse to keep apologizing for who I am. No one goes through the same lengths I do with make sure that I am comfortable around them, so why should I?  

You Are Who You Are

We must stop apologizing for things that don’t deserve an apology.  Can you think of  some examples/situations? Comment them below!  Do not apologize for who you simply are just because others might not understand you. You are, who you are and that’s it, nothing else needs to be said.  Continuously apologizing for who you want to be, ends up dimming your light.  Then you stop believing in yourself, and then you accomplish nothing. STOPPP apologizing!!  If people don’t understand you and always want an explanation, they are not for you.  Move on.  

You Don’t Have To Reflect People’s Image of You.

Being unapologetic is no easy feat, however.  Living in your truth is quite difficult when the people around you don’t want to make room for you.  People will scarf the image that they have of you so far down your throat, you won’t even know who you are anymore.  The representation of who you are should solely be based on your values and no one else’s.  Don’t let people skew the image of you simply because they don’t want to make the space in their minds to see you in a different light.  You don’t have time for people who only see you through rose-colored glasses.

Create An Open Space For Others

This month I want you surround your self with people who see you for who you want to be, not for who they want you to be.  Also, make sure you are making open spaces for others to express themselves freely and without judgement. You can’t be the type of person who wants everyone to accept them for who they are, but are unwilling to help others do the same.  Go out and be unapologetic this month!  Tell what you discovered about yourself!

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January’s Intention: Accountability

It is finally 2020, the start of a new year and decade! It feels like so many things can happen, and absolutely nothing can happen at the same time. I feel like I’m at this weird “in between” state of being (but then again I always feel like this when the new year rolls in).  Last month’s intention was “Patience” and it taught me a lot more than I was willing to learn tbh.  It taught me that I am responsible for how much of my patience I want to use on people.  Patience is not something that is infinite, and the amount that I have is especially limited.  Don’t judge me, I’m working on it.   It is my responsibility to decide how patient I will be in different situations that pop up in my life.  But it is also my responsibility to just say ENOUGH. I can only be oh so calm before I start acting out of character (and no one wants to see that). But enough rah rah about last months intention, we are in a new month, a new year, and a new decade.  This month’s intention is…


Being responsible for all the bullshit you choose to do, and living with the consequences of it

Damn that’s Harsh!

I know this definition might sound a bit negative, but it’s all about perspective honey.  Holding yourself accountable for the choices that you make will really teach you a lot about yourself.  It will teach you about both, your positive and negative tendencies.  But most of all it will have you in your bag.  For those of you who aren’t hip to the lingo being “in your bag” basically means being in your feelings or being real with yourself.  It’s about damn time that we’ve gotten to this point, don’t you agree?

Okay, this is a bit much.

Holding yourself accountable for your choices can feel overwhelming.  But I want us to remember that holding yourself accountable does not mean that we are responsible for all of the things that happen to us, or the way that others react to us.  We are simply responsible for the actions that we take and the consequences that result from it.  This does not mean you get to start overthinking every choice you’ve made.  It simply means that the choices that you made were your choices and no one else’s.  However, for some reason as society we LOVE to play the blame game.

It’s Not My Fault!

When we eventually realize that the choices that we made weren’t the best, we tend to blame the negative things that result from it on others.  This is where we are fucking up as a society!  It’s okay to be wrong cunts! In fact, others will respect you more if you can admit where you went wrong.  But in order to admit such things you need to let go of that pride, and be okay with being humiliated.  We all need to get more comfortable with being embarrassed!  Being prideful is the sole cause of so many catastrophes that take place.

But Wait, Theres More…

In order for people to want to hold themselves accountable, we as a society need to make a safe space for them.  You can’t just start attacking others because you know that they’re wrong, it will cause them to get defensive.  When people get defensive they can never see where they went wrong in the first place (I’m speaking from experience).  We need to make it easier for people to hold themselves accountable.  No one should be scared to admit that they’re wrong because no one is right all of the time.  We need to be teachable. But in order to be teachable, people need to want to be taught.  Let’s keep an open mind and allow people to hold themselves accountable before we start attack them. 

November’s Intent: Gratitude

It’s November!  The whether starts getting cold (*cries*), school starts to get stressful if it hasn’t already, and you start counting down the days till Christmas.  In the month of November our mind tends to be on autopilot because of the busy schedules that we have.  We become so preoccupied that we don’t pick our heads up out the fall leaves until Thanksgiving comes around. We tend to forget to slow down and just breath in the space we’re in until Christmas comes, and before you know it we’re in a new year.  By the end of it all, the only thing you can remember about November is your nosey ass aunt asking you what you plan to do with your life while you’re trying to enjoy that mac and cheese (which you only get like once or twice a year).  November passes by because we can’t wait to get to Christmas, but I think we’re missing out.  There’s a lot to learn in the midsts of a transition, and we shouldn’t take it for granted.  This month’s Intent is…


The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness

Making this months intention gratitude might be a bit predictable and on the nose, but I don’t give a flying fuck because it fits the times that we are in. Growing up, we are told that we  “should be grateful for what we have”.  But gratitude was never truly explained to us.  We’re kind of just forced to be appreciative without knowing why or how to show it.  As we grow older it slowly starts to make sense, but we don’t think about being grateful as often as we should.  Although it should be, gratitude is not something that just crosses our mind until we realize that we have been taking things for granted this whole time.

The line between gratitude and guilt starts to blur because we don’t know the emotions that we’re supposed to be emitting when we are feeling grateful.  If this is the case then we are missing the point.  When we lean over into feeling guilty it’s because we start to feel bad about the things that we have and what others don’t.  You can’t change what everyone on this earth has and the opportunities that come their way.  That’s too much honey!  You can only change what you have control over and you don’t have control over other peoples lives, so move on from that guilt.  Instead think about returning the kindness.  Think twice about the actions you make and whether or not it really takes that much energy to make someone else’s day with a simple favor.  Allow people to be grateful for you the same way you’re grateful for them.  Returning kindnesses is just as important as being grateful about the kindness that others show on to you.  Pay attention to what going on in the world around you, not the just the world that exists in your mind.

Gratitude is something that should bring you back to earth when you’ve been drifting away in your own world for a bit to long.  We have every right to be engaged in the work that we are doing to accomplish our goals’, and it’s important that we are persistent (*wink wink*) about where we want to be in life.  But without gratitude we forget to stop and realize how far we’ve come, and how much we’ve grown.  The lessons that we learn from gratitude are endless.  Feeling grateful isn’t just about being thankful it’s about the realization and appreciation of the things that you have in your life.  When you are appreciative of the life that you have, those little inconveniences mean nothing.  Things that annoyed you so easily before, don’t, and it’s because you are appreciative.  Being grateful effects how you interact with your environment, the people in it and yourself.

We go through the motions of our day so quickly that we aren’t able to remember the little things that might seem minimal, but matter the most.  Gratitude allows us to be humble and take a step up back from only thinking about ourselves.  We become humble, and realize that every moment truly does count.  How are you going to implement being grateful into your daily routine?  What are some tips that you’d suggest?  Comment Below!


About The Blog

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I started this lifestyle blog to give you the reassurance that doing things for yourself is absolutely okay.  I’m going to show you that self-care  and wellness are the most important things in your life right now.  We are all going through life at different rates, but that doesn’t mean that our peace of mind should suffer.  The purpose of this is blog is to help you realize that we should all be doing the things that we love because it brings us peace. Here, you can be heard when it feels like no one else is listening.  I’m here to show you how to practice real self-care, none of that other fluffy shit. It’s time to reinvent what self-care means.  We all know it isn’t all face masks and bubble baths.  It’s also breaking down the hardships that you go through and why you go through them.  We’re all going through hardships, it’d be easier if we went through them together