Kendall Alexander

June’s Monthly Intention: DEFIANCE

June is a month that I feel like we were all catapulted into without any say.  We simply just can’t control everything, and life reminds us of this every time something unplanned comes about. However, when it comes to the things that we do have control over, like our actions, we are unknowingly taught to follow and comply. This is so that things can run in the order that others see fit.  I, like everyone else have been taught to follow as well, but when I truly started to think for myself I knew I needed to be defiant in my actions so that I can challenge the constructs that were made for me to fail.  This month’s intention is…

Defiance

Take Risks

Being defiant often has a negative emphasis to it, but it all depends on how you view it.  Do you see it in a way that thinks being defiant means to have an open disregard or contempt?  Or  do you know that showing an act of defiance means to have a daring and bold resistance to an authority or to any opposing force. Let’s focus on the latter.

You Haven’t Done Anything Wrong

Defiance is a difficult thing to step into at first.  The emotions of guilt, regret, and shame flood in when others take your act of defiance as a sign of disrespect.  I have felt these emotions myself, and they are difficult to work through.  This is due to the disapproving glare that people leave behind.  This leaves you thinking that you have done something colossally wrong.  When you disrupt the order that everyone follows they seem to turn against you.  You’ve uncovered the facade that they live under, and now they have to deal with it.

We should all be challenged and uncomfortable.  Being defiant to the constructs and systems in place is where it starts.  You don’t agree with some thing? Speak up! You think that you’ve being wronged? SPEAK UP!  You are not going to get the validation and approval that you seek just because you’re standing up for something you believe in. 

We Should Be That Support

The most important thing to note is that knowledge is power, but it is also burdensome.  Knowing that no one wants to support a cause where support is crucial can be strenuous.  You are only one person, but your voice and actions have more power than you think. Small acts of defiance can go long way with the right intentions behind it.

Start by educating your family and friends on what you see is wrong with the things that are going on in this world.  Be unapologetic about it.  If you fear for their reaction then you never really cared in the first place. Even if the problems in this world don’t directly effect you, they are still worth fighting for.  Often times the support of the people who are not effected matter the most.   Let your voice be heard, it can hold weight where you least expect it.  

Don’t Know Where to Start?

Sign the Petitions Below!

https://www.standwithbre.com

https://blacklivesmatter.com/defundthepolice/

https://blacklivesmatter.com/demand-racial-data-on-coronavirus/

https://blacklivesmatter.com/coronavirus-demand-more-from-the-government/

My Catastrophe With Labels

Processed with VSCO with g3 preset

Lately, I’ve realized that I let myself be labeled and categorized by others for what feels like my entire life.  Some things that aren’t included in the description of my label is being vulnerable and open with my emotions.  Due to this, it feels like it’s almost impossible to let people in on how I truly feel.  This happens to many of us, but the description of our labels vary.  We tend to think that when others label us we are simply stuck with the label that we’re given.  However, what we quickly forget is that we are in control.

Stop Forcing Your Labels On Me

Often times we might say, “I’m just not [enter attribute here] type of person” or “it’s just the way I am”.  Yet, these statements are not always true. You’re putting yourself or you’re letting other people put you in a category that you think you can’t escape form.  

For example, I am often categorized as a “certain type” of black person, and I despise it.  People have said things like “you’re the type of black person who talks white” and “you’re black, but you’re not black black”.  By saying this, they mean than I don’t fall into the category that they usually put black people in.  It’s time to stop categorizing people on the basis of skin color.  This is one of the many reasons why black people are blamed for crimes they did not commit, yet must suffer the consequences regardless. 

Schemas Are Not An Excuse

According to Verywellmind a schema “is a cognitive framework or concept that helps organize and interpret information”.  In other words, your brain is using shortcuts to help you understand a bunch of information (I’m putting this psychology major to use y’all).  This can be both detrimental and beneficial to our lives and the lives of others.  Beneficial, because we can interpret and understand information quicker.  Detrimental, because if we have a negative experience with the information that we’re learning, we will connect that negative experience with things or people associated with the information.

The real problem, is that when people have this overgeneralized schema in their heads, they pass it on to everyone around them. Hence why black men in hoodies are always considered dangerous, or why black women are always considered to be angry.  Next thing you know, everyone believes a tragic overgeneralized lie, that can put people’s lives at stake.  Be that as it may, a schema is not an excuse for the relentless racism that happens in this country.  It is up to us to do the extra work and fact check our resources (like your racist grandparents), because people’s lives are at stake.

You Are Too Versatile to Fit Into One Category.

Solange said “I can not be a singular expression of myself”, in her song “Can I Hold the Mic”.  She’s right, none of us are just one being, we’re multifaceted.  We only become a singular expression when we allow ourselves and others to label us as such.  We need to accept that it is okay to be made up of multiple factors and attributes.  It’s actually commendable.  

Breaking out of categories that you were forcefully put into can be tuff, especially when no one wants to take you seriously.  Some will only see you in the way that they want to see you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You will unnecessarily exhaust yourself if you are constantly trying to prove what you are not.  We are fluid creatures that are constantly changing.  There is no reason to keep yourself stuffed in a box that was categorized and labeled by someone other than yourself.  You are so much more than that.

Who Are You Creating For?

I’ve been using this newly granted free time to explore new forms of artistic expression.  Doing this has shown me that I am more skillful at some creative outlets, compared to others (duh).  Overall, what I’ve learned from this process is that not all of the things that I create are going to be profitable, nor should it be.

Breaking the Boundaries

When I didn’t have as much free time as I do now I strictly stuck too writing and dancing.  These were the things that I was most comfortable with and in the past it has been fairly easy to make a profit. Trying to explore other options at the time would only take too much time and attention, and I just didn’t have the patience to delve into this a new artistic journey. Recently however, I’ve been wanting to break out of the boundaries that I’ve set for myself.  So I asked myself, what’s something that I can create that would be useful for my followers, but still make me money at the same time?  Will I enjoy this? Will this be too overwhelming? Can I get a creative job out of this? 

Getting my Creative Juices Following

After asking myself these questions, the process to explore my creativity quickly turned into a business plan for selling new items.  That’s not what I wanted.  Instead, I simply wanted to find different ways to express myself creatively without trying to make it lucrative.  Often times, when we try to make money off something that we’re creating, we forget what drove us to create the first place.  The goal was not to lose sight of why I began this creative process.  In an attempt to keep my focus solely on creating freely, I decided to release all expectations and pressure.

Doing this allowed me to be free in my creative thinking and expression.  I was able to create what I wanted to create without any judgements or criticism from the world and most importantly, myself.  Through this exploration I found out that painting put me in a meditative trance that allowed me to clear my mind without distractions (something I often have trouble doing).  This is just one of the activities that I enjoyed doing without putting any expectations on myself about how fast I should be progressing.  Some of the things that I created could be profitable, others…not so much. What I loved the most was that there was no pressure to make the “not so much” items profitable.  

Express Yourself Creatively Without Expectations

You will burn yourself out if you try to put a price tag on all of your artistic expression.  Not everything you produce it meant to sell.  The truth is that not everyone is going to want to buy your “creative expression”, and that’s okay.  Your entire creative ability is not meant for everyone.  Some of it is just meant for you to see and enjoy in the comfort of your own space.  Just because you found something that you’re good at, doesn’t mean to need to find a way to sell it.  You don’t want to lose that excitement you had when the idea simply popped into your head.

I don’t want you to believe that the things that you can create can’t be profitable.  Everything you create can be profitable as long as you have a plan.  But we don’t create to overwhelm ourselves with work, no matter how passionate we are.  We create to express ourselves in a way that goes beyond words (unless your a writer, of course), in the hopes that someone out there will relate.  

Try to just create for the hell of it.  Is it an unfamiliar feeling? Is it difficult to continue the process? Are you pressuring yourself on how perfect or no perfect your creation is?  What does this new space feel like to you? Subscribe and comment below…

May’s Intenion: Progress

I’m going to stop saying that “I can’t believe it’s a new {insert month here}”, because it being a new month is pretty predictable at this point.  The months just go faster or slower than we’d like.  Last months intention, acceptance, might’ve been one the most important intentions to me thus far.  My hope is that these intentions have the type of impact on your life that makes you change your views.  If we change our views we might be able to progress on to a higher thought process.  One where we lower our expectations of ourselves, one where we accept the amount of progress w’ve made no matter our initial expectations were, and one where we can reassure ourselves that we are doing the best we can under the circumstances that we’re in.  This month’s intention is…

Progress

You Make the Rules

I can not stress this enough progress is SUBJECTIVE, meaning that it’s based on our inner experiences rather than fact.  There is no timeline, continuum, or scale you should be strictly measuring your progress on. What happens when you don’t progress at the rate that you expected to?? I’ll tell you what happens… you end up getting discouraged and unmotivated because you think that not accomplishing a few things on your list by a certain time means it’s the end of the world. But what you’re failing to realize is that the timeline you’ve made for yourself is unrealistic.  It wasn’t made for you so consequently it is unattainable by you.

Are You Being Fair To Yourself?

Not only is it unrealistic, but your timeline is probably based off of someone else’s accomplishments and circumstances.  Your progress cannot be determined by what someone else has done.  You did the best you could in the time period you had, within whatever circumstances that you were in.  That’s it. No one knows all of the things that you have going on in your life, so it is no one’s place to judge.  However, you do know what going on in your life yet you still don’t cut yourself some slack.  Is that fair?  You have to make your own flexible timeline, that doesn’t punish you if you don’t meet your expectations when you had planned too.  

Be Flexible!

If you keep talking down to yourself, you will beat down the confidence and excitement that you had when you first started. Your low self-esteem will stop you from thinking that you’re capable of progressing any further.  This downward spiral is unnecessarily destructive due to the fact that it is quite possible that you can do the things you want to do.  Just not in the timeline that you’ve set for yourself. Do us all a favor and stop setting yourself up for disappointment, and start setting yourself up for success.  The way you do that is by setting realistic expectations and flexible timeline!

What Does Progress Mean To You?

I’m not one of those people who will tell you that the fact that you walked out of bed this morning was enough.  Because that’s simply just not true or maybe it is.  Only you know what you are truly capable of, but what you might not know is when you are pushing yourself too far.  I would like to say that you are the only one who will know when enough is enough when it comes to the amount of work that you have accomplished.  But when you punish yourself for the “lack of progress” that you have made it forces me to think differently.  My fear is that you don’t know when you are pushing yourself to far and to hard, and to me that’s what matters the most.  

How Far Must You Go To Feel Accomplished?

You can make yourself physically, mentally and emotionally sick from the pressure you put yourself under due to the “lack of progress” you think you’ve made.  So take this month to pay attention to how you’re treating yourself when it comes to how much progress you’ve made.  The only person who knows that you have done enough is you, you just have to believe it.  

My CATASTROPHE With Pressure

The fact that I’m feeling under pressure to write a blog post about pressure is pretty telling of this Catastrophe.  I want to write about this because I think we can all relate to the pressure we force onto ourselves and the pressure that society shoves down our throats.  Before this quarantine I realized that I was drowning in pressure, and I can only say that because now I am breathing freely and without worry.  There are many times that pressure can feel like it’s suppressing you and all of the amazing things that you’re capable of.  Looking back I realized that I was making my life harder because of factors I could not control.  Let’s elaborate shall we…

I’m the type of person to put lots of personal pressure on myself, and on top of that (although I know I shouldn’t) I let societal and peer pressure get to me as well.  Pressure hits me from all directions and for a long time I thought there would be no escape from it.  Living a life where you’re constantly straining to get by, despite the pressure that you feel, is not living at all.  It brings on unnecessary anxiety, and it will always have you feeling like you can not produce good work unless you are under pressure.

Being a black women has made me feel like pressure is just something comes with being born black and a women.  Society expects you to fail so you have to work twice as hard (pressure), you expect yourself to triumph despite all the obstacles the world puts in your way (pressure), and the people that surround you want to keep you where they want you (more and more unnecessary pressure).  Not to mention the daily negative thoughts you have about yourself and the lack of progress you’ve been making despite whatever troubling circumstances your in.  You’ve based this “lack of progress”on an imaginary timeline that has more unrealistic expectations.  These are thoughts that used to go through my head everyday.  Can you relate?

All of this forces me to carry so much tension and stress, and what seems like the only way out is to keep moving forward.  Eventually it’ll get better right? Negative, moving forward without addressing all this pressure and expectations keeps you in the vicious cycle. Which causes you to hate yourself more and more because you didn’t work well enough under pressure by your standards.  

The only way out is to quite literally to just stop.  Stop having expectations, stop giving into the pressure, and stop with the self loathing.  But I will admit that this is a beyond difficult thing to do unless you have amazing discipline or you’re literally forced to stop.  This is because life goes on whether we’re pressured or not.  It goes on and it doesn’t care how you feel.  It doesn’t care if you hate yourself because you can’t reach your unrealistic expectations… it just keeps going.  So in turn, you feel like you need to keep going.  But life has stopped for most of us because of COVID-19, and it was a blessing in disguise for me because it released me.  I’m not too ignorant to say that the virus will have the same effect on everyone.  People are dying, losing jobs and it feels like we’ll never be allowed outside again. I just hope my catastrophe was the sign you needed to break free of whatever you need to break free from. 

Please, Just Stop with the self sabotage

Mind Boggling

I know the title sounds like I’m begging you just a bit, but bitch I am!  In fact I’m more begging myself, because it would suck if I didn’t practice what I preached. You ever feel like you’re learning the same lessons over and over again?  You ever feel like bad shit just keeps happening to you? The world is against you?  Think everyone is out to get you?  Sounds like a familiar feeling to me!  I almost forgot about how everyone is to blame for your downfall except yourself!  That’s a big one!  All of these not so mind boggling questions have a common theme, and that my friend is called self-sabotage.  You are most definitely not the only person who feels this way, but somehow you have tricked your mind into thinking that.  Allow me to bring you back to your self sabotaging reality.  Some of you might not relate to all of those questions 100% word for word, but even if you feel the slightest hint of one of them, you fall into the self sabotaging category.  Welcome : )

Acknowledgment is the First Step

To me you never really know if you’re self sabotaging yourself unless someone calls you out on it, and then suddenly its like you were awakened from your self-sabotage trance out of nowhere.  Well allow me to awaken you!  However, if you feel like you’ve just been awakened and all this self-sabotage has just started in your life, I’m going to have to wake you up again to tell you that you’ve actually been doing this for a long time.  Self sabotage builds, it doesn’t just happen all at once.  You’ve been doing it for a while my love.  But the first step is acknowledgment, so I’m proud of you already.

Chile…

However, if you’ve done nothing about it because you don’t think it’s that serious then I take my admiration back.  Self-sabotaging is more serious than it sounds, no matter what part of your life it relates too.  I feel like if we think that if most of our life is going well we can push our self-sabotaging to the side because we think it doesn’t really matter.  Well chile, try again.  

Don’t you want to break the cycle of bad shit happening to you because it’s probably your fault? Or are you still in denial???  Take it from me, the universe is trying into teach you lessons that you keep ignoring.  So you’re just going to keep ending up in the same situations over and over again until you realize that it’s not just a coincidence anymore.  So how about we stop the self-sabotage and start the self-care, the self-regard, and the self-respect.  Self care is not always going to be a hot bath with some candles and blunt after a long day.  It can be exhausting, but worth it.  Although, this is only going to work if you have to believe that you’re worth it, or else all of this will go to shit.  

Pay Attention to Your Habits

This is not a “how to” stop self-sabotaging article, this is a WAKE TF UP AND START REALIZING YOU SELF- SABOTAGING TENDENCIES article.  I can’t tell you how to stop self-sabotaging and anyone else who says they can are liars.  I say this because we all self-sabotage in different ways and we all have to stop ourselves in different ways.  I’m also not here to give you an easy way out because there is no easy way out of self-sabotaging.  I’m here to be honest with you because I don’t want you to get stuck in this cycle of wondering why all this shit is happening to you.  It starts with you and it ends with you.

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April’s Intention: Acceptance

Photographer: Joelle.Alexandria
Stylist: Isiah Chan

March felt like 365 days instead of 31 and I’m happy it’s done because the amount of emotions I went through in that 31 day period were enough to last me a year.  Reassurance was a hard thing for me to accomplish in March because I refused to be okay with what was happening around me.  I was definitely one of those people who ignored what was happening with COIV-19 around the world.  I have the flight receipts to prove it.  The question is will I even be able to get on that plan? Probably not.  I didn’t want to believe all of the things people were saying about how bad things were getting until it directly effected me.  Which is predictable but disappointing because things shouldn’t have to effect you directly for you to take it seriously. That being said this months intention is…

Acceptance

This is pretty fitting because a lot of us tend to lack this.  We don’t want to accept or adjust to the times that we’re in and thats’ understandable.  I recently talked about this in my latest podcast episode titled “Adjusting and Adapting Takes Time”.  Adjusting to new environments is hard even if this new environment is our home.  It’s hard because saying in our homes longer than w’ve ever been before can get uncomfortable quickly.  But the first step is ACCEPTANCE.  Ya’ll, we need to start accepting the times that we are in and making the best out of the situation.

This can mean anything you want it to mean.  There is no wrong way to cope with what we’re going through, unless that coping mechanism includes going outside and trying to socially interact with people.  I just want you to accept the times that you are in, and this means accepting how you feel in these times.  There is not wrong or right way to feel.  Don’t feel pressure to do all of the things you never got to do before because now you have the time.  Trust me you don’t have as much time as you think you have.  Don’t get mad at yourself laying around all day when you “could have been doing something productive”.  Even if it doesn’t feel like it, you are doing the best you can for the environment that you’re in, and that environment is home.  So how much motivation could you possibly have?

Not only do we need to accept the mechanisms that we’re using to cope with the times, as I said before we need to accept our emotions.  I know for me this part is a bit more problematic.  I always think that I should be thinking in a different way than I actually am.  Not living up to the expectations of the emotions that I think I should be having is exhausting and just idiotic. I can’t tell myself to feel a certain way, I feel what I feel, and that’s it.  The same goes for you.  Feeling anxious, relieved, sad, melancholy, indifferent?  Those are your emotions.  They are aren’t right or wrong so don’t suppress these feelings, feel them.  Letting yourself feel emotions sometimes feels air is leaving your lungs, but it is more necessary than you know.  This is something that I have learned quite recently.  

So this month we need to buckle down and get in tune with ourselves, because all we have is time.  Take the time to feel whatever you’re feel and let your body and mind go through it, don’t push it away.

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March’s Intention: Reassurance

This photograph was taken by amazing photographer Joelle Hessing, and styled by the very creative eye of Isiah Chan https://gayshanyc.com

It’s not surprising that February came and went as quickly as it did, but being unapologetic is something that we all should be doing every day. The amount of strength and resilience it takes to live in your truth is immeasurable.  As we slide into this month it would do you well never to forget that.  This month has more days than the last, so I think it’s okay not to dive in head first, it might get a little over whelming.  This Month’s Intention is…

Reassurance 

– Removing ones doubts and fear

When I say reassurance, I’m not talking about from others.  I say this because the truth is you can’t always rely on the people around you to reassure you.  You need to reassure yourself, and this is called self-reassurance my friends.  We will all doubt ourselves from time to time, but what are the ways we combat this?  The fact of the matter is that we don’t always have the time to wallow in our self-doubt and low self esteem, so finding ways to reassure in a way where we actually believe what were telling ourselves is key

  1. Whenever you start to doubt yourself when it comes to your career, look into the people who have already made it in your field or a field similar to yours.  When were working hard is often hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  But when we see examples of people who look like us and are accomplishing the goals we want to accomplish, we know its possible for us.  If you’re the first person doing what you’re doing and can’t find many examples of other peoples success in your field, look into the successful stories with people who were the first too.  All things start somewhere, and the person behind it was just like you.
  1. Constantly tell yourself that you can only do your best and nobody else’s.  Through social media we see a sped up version of everyone’s success stories with out their struggle.    No one is transparent so it’s important to know that you’re only seeing the good parts.  Also, everyone’s circumstances are different.  Some of us have more connections than others.  So don’t hold it against yourself when you’re not where you want to be right now.  You are only doing the best that you can do, and your time time will come.
  1. Remember that reassuring yourself is something that you have to work towards.  It’s hard to convince yourself that you’re the shit, when you genuinely don’t believe it. So take your time, because there’s levels to this shit.  The hard part is getting yourself to believe your positive attributes more than the negative ones.  You are enough and you are worth it, there is nothing more too it.  SAY THAT AGAIN.

The goal is to never get pass the point where reassuring ourselves is no longer possible, because we simply don’t believe in ourselves.  Once we get to this point it’s hard to convince ourselves otherwise. Another thing to note is that this month’s intention is about self reassurance, not finding reassurance in others.  You can’t always rely on the people around you to lift your spirits.  They might have their own shit going on, or they just might not be the right person to do it.  You are not always going to have someone around to make you feel better about your self, and associating a person with giving you confidence and praise is unhealthy if you can’t do it your self.  So use these steps to help you reassure yourself, and let me know how it goes!

Don’t Forget to Subscribe Cunts.

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My First solo trip to chicago!

I’m a Traveler

Hellur cunts, it’s time I talk about traveling a lot more here on the blog.  I’ve been depriving ya’ll, low-key.  I have actually been traveling the world my whole life, and by the age of 21 I’ve traveled to 14 different countries! One of my mother’s goals in life was to take her kids with her, traveling the world. I am so blessed to have a mother like this because at this point I can’t imagine a life without traveling.  I’m going to talk about my many experiences traveling throughout the world and in the country.  First though, let’s start off small for you, but big for me.

Dancing is Very Much My Life

In this post I am going to talk about my first solo trip to Chicago!!  This is big for me because it was my first solo trip ever, but it will be the first of many solo trips because I had such great time!  Okay, so to give you some context I was traveling to Chicago because I was accepted into a dance festival that was located there.  I submitted my solo that I choreographed, and I was blessed to be able to perform it at the Trifecta Dance Festival.  I treated this trip like a vacation so I’m going to tell you about all the events and activities I participated in. I traveled around the city using the train system, which is hella easy to navigate.  I also rented an Airbnb in Lincoln Park for $348 for 5 days ( ya can’t beat that! especially I was procrastinated and rented it a week before the trip).

Photograph: Ben Viatori

Bitch I’m on a Budget

My goal for this trip was to do as much free or low priced activities as possible, because honey I am on a forever budget!  So my first night there I went to a Blues Bar called “Blue Chicago”.  This place was a true “hole in the wall”, and it was perfect for solo travelers!  The cover charge was $10 and the drinks were like $6 and up.  I was excited to go to this bar because I’m a bit of an old soul who loves Blues music.  After being there for about 2 min I couldn’t help but notice this couple in the front row, sloppily making out.  Yes, it was gross.  No, it didn’t look like it was enjoyable for either of them, yet they kept going.  You would think that they would just sloppily make out at their table and call it a day, nooooooooo they brought it to the dance floor.  No one was dancing btw, but they decided to escalate their make-out session into a dance that included grinding, touching, and a lot of tongue.  I hope you are now disgusted as I was by the picture I painted for you. They were going on for so long that the man in front of me turned around and told me to take a sip of my drink for withstanding the site of the couple for so long.  Also, in the same night the 65 year old bass player in the band that was playing was trying to hit on me after he finished his set.  He told me he was a mailman and he wanted me to write a story about him so here is his cameo.  Overall It was a good first night.

White Humor Is Not Funny.

The next night I went to a comedy club.  This was my first comedy club and again I was on a budget bitch so it was $10 to get in and $8 if you had a student ID.  The venue was called “The Second City”, and it was a stand up comedy, open mic night type of thing.  Not everyone was funny, but enough people were funny for me to feel like I got my monies worth.  I don’t find white comedy very funny, and it still made me laugh.  Do with want you want with that information.

Deja Vu

The next night I went to another Blues bar called “Kingston Mines”, to celebrate performing my solo that night.  There I was at the bar chatting it up with the bar tender when I realized the band that was playing was the same exact band that played at the first bar I went to.  I was minding my business having a good time when this old white man comes up to me asking if I was a dancer, and I said yes in a “who sent you type of way” , while look at him in a suspicious way (its a New York Thing).  He then preceded to ask me if I wanted to dance, and I said “no”.  What really irritated the fuck out of me was his response, which was “I’m a 60 year old white man, what do you have to be scared of?”……Sir, are you serious??? What do you I, as in a black women have to be scared of??  So of course I replied “You’re right, your kind has never given black people a reason to be scared”. He then walked away defeated with a scowl on his face. On of my favorite pastimes is checking old white folks.

Cunty

The next night I was supposed to meet with my high school friend Edward after I watched a show in the festival.  But he flaked last minute and I still didn’t want to go home because I looked cute bitch.  So I decided to go to my first ever Drag Queen Show.  The venue was called the “The Baton Show Lounge”, and the shows were everything you think a Drag Queen show is and then some.  I can’t remember what the cover charge was, it could’ve been anywhere between $12-$17.  You had to pay the cover charge and when you walked in you were required to buy 2 drinks.  I bought the cheapest thing on the menu (because again, I’m on a budget bitch), which was wine.  I didn’t know the Drag Queen Show ettitque at the time, but you basically treat it like a strip club when it comes to tipping the performers.  Every performer does their song and you give them $1,$5, or $10 depending on how you’re feeling. So I had to get change but most people were giving $1-$3 to each performer so don’t worry about your bank breaking.  If I could give all of my money I would, those performers were deserving of it.  The host was 60 years old and still doing the damn thang okayyyyyy.  When the first show was over the performers came down to the tables and started interacting and engaging with the audience.  It was nice to know them and their story.  They were all so beautiful and cunty, I loved the energy.

Team No Sleep.

My last night there I finally met with my high school friend Edward (everyone calls him Ed, but I call him Eddie).  We met in China Town for lunch and we ate Minghim at a dim sum restaurant.  He then gave me a tour of his school, U Chicago, which is basically like a mini Ivy league school.  While we were touring he was telling me about the obnoxious amount racism he goes through on campus.  He also explained that the standards that U Chicago has for the students are so high that people either drop out or commit suicide.  Eddie said that multiple student kills themselves each semester and the administration could care less.  Also, the school feels like its designed for minorities to fail.  Aside from the obvious atrocities we went a surprise party for one of his friends.  All of this was very spontaneous, and while I don’t mind spontaneity I really had no idea where I was, who the people were going to be at the party, and how I was going to get home.  I usually don’t have a good time meeting a lot of new people in one setting, but here it was actually really nice and his friends were super welcoming.  I had such a good time, in fact that by the time I Uber’d my way home it was 3 am, which gave my 1 hour to pack, before I had to leave the Airbnb by 4:30 am to catch my flight.  So I got absolutely no sleep but it was worth it.

Of course I did the touristy stuff too, like eat deep dish pizza, see the bean, and go to the Garfield Park Conservatory. My friend from college, Sam was an amazing tour guide. And my other friend Kari was able to fill be in about how things worked when she scooped me from the airport (Thank you girl!) But these are things that everyone does when they go to Chicago so I didn’t feel like talking about it. Read about that shit somewhere else.

As you can see the trip was eventful.  If you want to know more about the things I did so that you can do them too, leave a comment boo!  I had a great time and spent very little money.  So if you’re looking to get away from your life for a little bit, DO IT.  Stop second guessing yourself just do it.  Trust me its possible.

Let’s be unapologetic this month. #Febuary’sIntention

As I have said before, last month took too damn long to end.  But we are finally in a new month and I’m feeling better already!  It’s BLACK HISTORY MONTH, so of course you already know I’m in a good mood.  This month is about celebrating my culture and community without apologizing.  By this I mean that we are celebrating who black people are and how far we’ve come.  The amount of strength and resilience that black people have had to gain over the many years is immeasurable.  Saying that I am proud to be black is an understatement, more like ecstatic, honored, and grateful for the blessings that this beautiful skin has bestowed upon me.  Like the Queen B says, our skin shines like pearls.  This month’s intention is about being 

Unapologetic:

unwilling to apologize

Please Stop With the Apologies.

I apologize to people for absolutely no reason.  Do you know how stupid this makes me feel after the fact??? I apologize just for apologizing.  There’s no need for it, but I do it so that other people can feel comfortable in my presence.  Why is it that I feel like my presence would make people feel uncomfortable around me, you ask? Because of who I am and what I look like. But I refuse to keep apologizing for who I am. No one goes through the same lengths I do with make sure that I am comfortable around them, so why should I?  

You Are Who You Are

We must stop apologizing for things that don’t deserve an apology.  Can you think of  some examples/situations? Comment them below!  Do not apologize for who you simply are just because others might not understand you. You are, who you are and that’s it, nothing else needs to be said.  Continuously apologizing for who you want to be, ends up dimming your light.  Then you stop believing in yourself, and then you accomplish nothing. STOPPP apologizing!!  If people don’t understand you and always want an explanation, they are not for you.  Move on.  

You Don’t Have To Reflect People’s Image of You.

Being unapologetic is no easy feat, however.  Living in your truth is quite difficult when the people around you don’t want to make room for you.  People will scarf the image that they have of you so far down your throat, you won’t even know who you are anymore.  The representation of who you are should solely be based on your values and no one else’s.  Don’t let people skew the image of you simply because they don’t want to make the space in their minds to see you in a different light.  You don’t have time for people who only see you through rose-colored glasses.

Create An Open Space For Others

This month I want you surround your self with people who see you for who you want to be, not for who they want you to be.  Also, make sure you are making open spaces for others to express themselves freely and without judgement. You can’t be the type of person who wants everyone to accept them for who they are, but are unwilling to help others do the same.  Go out and be unapologetic this month!  Tell what you discovered about yourself!

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