Kendall Alexander

Trying Not To Be The “Difficult Friend”

Playing into your insecurities…

What you’re about to witness is a perfect example of someone (as in me) playing into her own insecurities. I’m writing for you to know that giving your insecurities time and space in your mind will have you feeling like the rant below. DON’T DO IT. The negative aspects that only you can see within yourself will eat you alive, and this is an example of exactly. Everything you’re about to read in the next three paragraphs are complete bullshit and lies that my mind tells me. So if you find yourself in this mini rant remember that is not or me, instead its negative inner thoughts that we have about ourselves.

I’m Ranting Today.

Hello Cunts!  This post will be a mini rant so buckle up…I am quite tired of my friends as of late, and it’s because of how inconsiderate they have been.  Maybe you can relate?  You ever have a friend that just doesn’t see how situations might be harder for you to deal with than for them to deal with?  Or a friend that can’t see things from your perspective.  My least favorite is the friend that doesn’t see how the situation they put you in, puts you in a bad position until it’s too late and then they say “oh but now I feel bad”.  I HATE an “oh I feel bad” ass bitch.  Because the reality is that you don’t really “feel bad”, you’re just saying that as collateral for the fucked up situation that you put me in.  You don’t really “feel bad” because if you did you wouldn’t have put me in this uncomfortable situation in the first place!  I don’t think I need to give you an example of what these uncomfortable situations might feel like, use your imagination. 

Don’t Be That Friend.

But of course I can blame myself as much as I can blame my friends, because the truth is I allowed them to put me in the uncomfortable situation.  I could have just have said “NO” to the uncomfortable situation that they were trying to put me in, but I didn’t want to be the “difficult friend”. You know what I’m talking about right?  The difficult friend is the person in your friend group who always has a problem with something, no matter what the situation is. They don’t like the energy of literally EVERYONE at the party, they’re a bit uppity, it’s hard for them to just go with the flow, most of all they are worst person to turn to when something doesn’t go according to plan because they’re waiting to say “I told you so” with a smirk to match with it.  You get the gist.  This is the person I’m trying not to be.   But to be honest as I’m typing out those examples of what a “difficult friend” is, I see parts myself in some of them (don’t you worry I’m working on it).

 

Do Better…

However, just because I’m trying my best not to be the “difficult friend”, doesn’t mean that my friends have the right to put me in situations that force me to be the “difficult friend”.  Can we just agree that putting me in a situation that sets me up to be the “difficult friend”, is not smart for anyone?  Trust me when I say that I don’t want to be the “difficult friend”, so please don’t force me to be one.  Also, think twice about the different situations you put yours friends in, it’s about both of you, not just you.  


See what I mean?

That rant that I just wrote was once again, not me but my negative inner thoughts I have about myself.  Those examples I wrote about a “difficult friend” do not describe me or you at all.  If you can relate to the rant or thought of a similar one, reevaluate your thoughts.  Ask yourself “is this me or my insecurities”?  It isn’t fair to yourself or the people around you for think this way.  There’s no need for you to keep fighting with yourself over things that aren’t true.  This post was an example of you need to stop doing.    

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Vision Board Party

Over the past weekend Let’s Get Into It hosted our very 1st annual Vision Board Party!!!    The preparation for it was super easy and cost efficient because your girl is on a BUDGET!!!  This party was a promotional event for the blog, but I wanted to help those closest to me manifest the things they wanted to accomplish in the next year or two.  It was super successful!

Here are some pictures from the event!

Making vision boards can be a bit nerve racking because its hard to know where to start and end.  I made sure to tell my guests that they need to set goals that they plan on accomplishing in the next year or two ( not your dream house next to beach).  I’m a realist, and the point of the party was to help you write out goals in your own creative way.  Then when your job was to put it up somewhere, where you would see it often and be reminded of your goals.  I had appetizers and what seemed like endless wine, until it ran out.  So if you have any questions or concerns on making your very own vision board, here are some ideas to help you out! Also don’t forget to subscribe!!!

January’s Intention: Accountability

It is finally 2020, the start of a new year and decade! It feels like so many things can happen, and absolutely nothing can happen at the same time. I feel like I’m at this weird “in between” state of being (but then again I always feel like this when the new year rolls in).  Last month’s intention was “Patience” and it taught me a lot more than I was willing to learn tbh.  It taught me that I am responsible for how much of my patience I want to use on people.  Patience is not something that is infinite, and the amount that I have is especially limited.  Don’t judge me, I’m working on it.   It is my responsibility to decide how patient I will be in different situations that pop up in my life.  But it is also my responsibility to just say ENOUGH. I can only be oh so calm before I start acting out of character (and no one wants to see that). But enough rah rah about last months intention, we are in a new month, a new year, and a new decade.  This month’s intention is…

Accountability

Being responsible for all the bullshit you choose to do, and living with the consequences of it

Damn that’s Harsh!

I know this definition might sound a bit negative, but it’s all about perspective honey.  Holding yourself accountable for the choices that you make will really teach you a lot about yourself.  It will teach you about both, your positive and negative tendencies.  But most of all it will have you in your bag.  For those of you who aren’t hip to the lingo being “in your bag” basically means being in your feelings or being real with yourself.  It’s about damn time that we’ve gotten to this point, don’t you agree?

Okay, this is a bit much.

Holding yourself accountable for your choices can feel overwhelming.  But I want us to remember that holding yourself accountable does not mean that we are responsible for all of the things that happen to us, or the way that others react to us.  We are simply responsible for the actions that we take and the consequences that result from it.  This does not mean you get to start overthinking every choice you’ve made.  It simply means that the choices that you made were your choices and no one else’s.  However, for some reason as society we LOVE to play the blame game.

It’s Not My Fault!

When we eventually realize that the choices that we made weren’t the best, we tend to blame the negative things that result from it on others.  This is where we are fucking up as a society!  It’s okay to be wrong cunts! In fact, others will respect you more if you can admit where you went wrong.  But in order to admit such things you need to let go of that pride, and be okay with being humiliated.  We all need to get more comfortable with being embarrassed!  Being prideful is the sole cause of so many catastrophes that take place.

But Wait, Theres More…

In order for people to want to hold themselves accountable, we as a society need to make a safe space for them.  You can’t just start attacking others because you know that they’re wrong, it will cause them to get defensive.  When people get defensive they can never see where they went wrong in the first place (I’m speaking from experience).  We need to make it easier for people to hold themselves accountable.  No one should be scared to admit that they’re wrong because no one is right all of the time.  We need to be teachable. But in order to be teachable, people need to want to be taught.  Let’s keep an open mind and allow people to hold themselves accountable before we start attack them. 


We’re Checking In on You and Your PATIENCE!

Use this checklist to help you keep track of how Patience you’re being this month! I know its hard, but you got this girl! Use this as way to check in with yourself, and see how much you improved (or didn’t) on practicing patience.

Is practicing patience hard? What are challenges that come with it? Does it feel like too much to think about throughout the day? Let us know how you feel boo!

My Quest Is Not Yours, So Find Your Own

Hello lovely people.  If you are thriving in life right now, and living it up to the fullest, please STOP trying to push your journey on others ( I promise we’re not trying to shit on your parade). Additionally, if you’re working hard to try to live your life to the fullest, STOP trying to follow the pathway of other people (you’re not going to get anywhere). These two factors are the reasons why some of us resent others, and don’t get anywhere in life.  It also might be the reason why you think everyone hates you.

If you’re thriving…..

We are so happy that you are thriving and living your best life!  Seriously, we are ( no shade we promise)!  We’re  ecstatic that you’ve “figured it out” (even though there’s no big secret to success).  Maybe you haven’t “figured it out” yet.  Maybe you’re just one step closer to where you want to be in life. 

Please remember that whatever it is you did to take that next step in your life, YOU did it.  You should be proud of yourself, we know we are! But remember that was the step you needed to take, and that step won’t work for everyone.  Everyone is trying to be successful, but not everyone will have the same pathway to success. 

In fact, NO ONE will have the same pathway to success, because success is subjective.  Meaning that it depends on what someone deems as successful!  Your idea of success isn’t going to be the exact replica as someone else’s, regardless of if you want the same things in life. 

So please STOP pushing your narrative on others.  Especially, people who haven’t taken that step yet.  By all means give them some tips!  But be careful  not to push your whole life story on people, its unwanted, unnecessary, and unhelpful, because they are not you.  Keep thriving though, we love to see it!

If you’re not quite there yet….

Be inspired by people who are thriving, don’t get discouraged.  Remember that you are better than no one, and no one is better than you.  Look at other peoples experiences as a precursor for what’s about to come for you. 

Also, everyone has different experiences so view these experiences as options.  Pick and chose things that you want for yourself based on the experiences of others.  There is no reason for you to be put down by the success of others simply because you already know that success is in the works for you, it’s just a matter of when.

Also, just be genuinely happy for people and their success.  The people in your life should be able to come to you with any good news, and you should be happy for them. Its’ really that simple, no shade needs to be involved.  Show that you are happy for where others are in their life right now, even if you’re not “there”yet.  Its okay not to be “there”.  What is even “there”, because as soon as you get “there” you’re going to want to be somewhere else.  And thats a good thing because you are ambitious bitch!

December Intent: Patience

We made it to the last month of the year! Whew…who knew that we would even make it this far?  It feels like this month was so far away from where we once were.  Let’s be honest, this year took us for a ride that we weren’t prepared for.  Whatever this year had in store for you, it took strength and resilience for you to bear through it, and for that we applaud you. The biggest reason we were all able to make it through this year is because of the amount of patience we’ve had with ourselves.  Because of the amount of people that “try me” on a daily basis, I’d like to say my patience is quite thin (and it doesn’t take a lot to wear it down).  But the truth is that this whole year “tried me”, so I guess I have a lot more patience than I thought. SO DO YOU!  That being said, whether or not you believe you have a sufficient amount of patience, you’ve had enough of it to make it through the year.  So obviously this month’s intent is….

Patience: 

Having the ability to tolerate all the bullshit this world throws at you without losing your shit.

To me, patience depends on the situation and the person.  The way we navigate a situation in the world is through patience, and whether or not we have enough of it.  Not having enough patience leads us to respond and lash out in ways we wouldn’t normally do, and it’s all because  someone or something wore us down too far.  This happens to all of us, and in the moment it always seems like a bigger deal than it actually is.  But in the moment you lose yourself and you’re brought out of character, so in turn you start to act out of character.   However, people and things are not to blame for you acting out of character.  You are.  You decide whether something will make you react in a certain way or not. Having enough patience with yourself and with the thing thats “trying you” will help you decide.

Patience is not a waiting game, get that old and tired stigma out of your head.  You can fuck up a lot of shit for yourself by associating patience with waiting. You are not waiting for good shit to come to you.  Instead, you are manifesting it by all the hard work you’ve been doing.  It’s very easy for you to run out of patience when you feel like you’re doing all that you can possibly do to get ahead in the world.  For me this is where my patience lacks the most, because it feels like I’ve done my part!  I’ve drank my water, minded my business, and worked my ass off.  So when is the universe going to grant me what I deserve?  I’m not trying to be entitle, I’m trying to show you that I’ve done my work so where my reward? We are taught that with hard work and patience, there will be reward.  Well, where the fuck is it?!

I believe that it is a matter of timing and reassurance. When we know that what we’re putting out into the world is authentic and true, we know we deserve to be accredited  and recognized for it.  What we don’t know is that the world may not be ready for it yet just yet.  What is for you, is already yours.  We need to reassure ourselves constantly that what we’re doing with our lives is something that we actually want to be doing.  Timing and reassurance is what gives you enough patience to navigate the world.  Stop thinking about whether or not your going to get the things you want in life, because you will, its only a matter of when.

Tell us how you plan to practice patience!

Checking In, November’s Intent: GRATITUDE

Hellur lur, we’re checking in on how you’re doing with this months intent!  The month has gotten busy almost as fast as it has gotten cold outside! It feels like you have so much to do before the new year comes, but no time to do it.  It’s when we’re extremely busy in times like this when we forget to practice gratitude, and feel the benefits of it.  So let us help you out!

Some tips…

  • When you wake up in the morning, don’t check your phone! First, tell yourself 5 things that you’re grateful for, before the day even starts.  Then you can check all of the pointless notifications that your phone sends you.
  • Throughout the day remember to check in with your self at least once.  We go through the motions of our day so quickly.  It’s one thing after the next, and before you know it the day is finished, and the only thing that we can remember feeling, is tired.  Checking in with how we’re feeling in the middle day centers us.  We start to realize things are happening around us and the world isn’t always on “GO”, only we are.
  • Tell people that you are grateful for them!  From our article, “You Need A Social Life, So Stop Acting Like You Don’t”,  you know you need people. Periodt.  But in order to keep those people around you, show them that you’re appreciative of them!  Recognize the fact that people are there for you, and show that it’s not going unnoticed.

COMMENT! Let us know how keeping up with being grateful is for you? Is it hard to implement in your daily routine? Do you feel like it will change who you are or your personality? LET US KNOW!

Photography |http://jokovisuals.com

My Catastrophe with Bantu Knots.

Bitch Are You Dumb?

Yesterday, after my friend and I had performed at a show, she asked me to go inside a gas station to grab a bottle of wine so that we could celebrate the performance.  I immediately rolled my eyes and said “ughhh, you want people to see me see me”, to which she replied “are you ashamed?”, in the “bitch are you dumb” voice that she does so well.  As soon as she said that, I realized that I was ashamed, and I was ashamed of my beautiful BANTU KNOTS.  I had put the Bantu Knots in my hair for the performance I did because I thought it went along with the theme of the solo.  But in the rural environment that we go to school in I knew that it wasn’t going to be accepted as well or AT ALL, anywhere off the stage.  

I’m A Bad Bitch you Can’t Kill Me!”

But why did that matter, right?  I’m a bad bitch no matter what my hair looks like!  I know I’m the shit, and I knew I was the shit in that moment too, so why was I so ashamed of how I looked?  I’ve looked much uglier walking into that gas station on countless occasions (let’s just say my high bun can look like a bird’s nest sometimes), yet I was worried about the impression that my bantu knots would give off.  Being a afro headed, dark skin, black girl in any community (including their own) is hard enough. But in a rural, hill billy, “Make America Great Again” community it’s a whole different level!  I feel like I have to be cautious of what I say, cautious of the impression that my personality gives off, and cautious of my overall presence in the room. So in that moment I felt pure shame for how I looked, because I was afraid of the what my look said to people.  My Bantu Knots are beautiful. I am beautiful. These are things I already know, yet I was still ashamed of how I looked.  After being ashamed of how I looked, I became ashamed of being ashamed in the first place.  Because fuck what people think, I should be proud of my Bantu Knots, right?

WHAT DID YOU DO?

What my friend said to me is something I would have said to any friend, and she’s simply just calling me out on my shit.  While I am an advocate for the whole “fuck those people, be yourself !” movement, I also understand the people who want to do their own thing and everyone else just be okay with it.  Why is so hard for me to do some different shit (which really that different, because the hairstyle has ben around of centuries), and people just be okay with it because it is what is???  I just want to be my best self, without getting those side glances that we all know and hate.  For those of you who don’t know these looks, they are looks of disgust, hatred, and confusion.  I am TIRED of getting these looks. I’ve worn my Bantu Knots on other occasions where people would come up to me and say “what wrong with your head?” (and this is coming from both, black and white people), or “ WHAT DID YOU DO?” (in the most disgusted voice that they can conjure up).  All while I try to keep the confident, cool, composure that shows that I don’t care about what people think, but I am crying inside.

Ignorance is a Choice.

Obviously, situations like these go way deeper than my bantu knots.  But I am just trying to encourage acceptance.  Acceptance of what is going the world around you, acceptance of the things you know nothing about, and acceptance of the people who go through life in a  different way than you do.  Remember, Ignorance is a Choice. 

Comment ( lmk if you hate or love what I’m writing)! Post ( If you fuck with it)! Share ( If you actually fuck with it)!

Photography | http://jokovisuals.com

November’s Intent: Gratitude

It’s November!  The whether starts getting cold (*cries*), school starts to get stressful if it hasn’t already, and you start counting down the days till Christmas.  In the month of November our mind tends to be on autopilot because of the busy schedules that we have.  We become so preoccupied that we don’t pick our heads up out the fall leaves until Thanksgiving comes around. We tend to forget to slow down and just breath in the space we’re in until Christmas comes, and before you know it we’re in a new year.  By the end of it all, the only thing you can remember about November is your nosey ass aunt asking you what you plan to do with your life while you’re trying to enjoy that mac and cheese (which you only get like once or twice a year).  November passes by because we can’t wait to get to Christmas, but I think we’re missing out.  There’s a lot to learn in the midsts of a transition, and we shouldn’t take it for granted.  This month’s Intent is…

Gratitude  

The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness

Making this months intention gratitude might be a bit predictable and on the nose, but I don’t give a flying fuck because it fits the times that we are in. Growing up, we are told that we  “should be grateful for what we have”.  But gratitude was never truly explained to us.  We’re kind of just forced to be appreciative without knowing why or how to show it.  As we grow older it slowly starts to make sense, but we don’t think about being grateful as often as we should.  Although it should be, gratitude is not something that just crosses our mind until we realize that we have been taking things for granted this whole time.

The line between gratitude and guilt starts to blur because we don’t know the emotions that we’re supposed to be emitting when we are feeling grateful.  If this is the case then we are missing the point.  When we lean over into feeling guilty it’s because we start to feel bad about the things that we have and what others don’t.  You can’t change what everyone on this earth has and the opportunities that come their way.  That’s too much honey!  You can only change what you have control over and you don’t have control over other peoples lives, so move on from that guilt.  Instead think about returning the kindness.  Think twice about the actions you make and whether or not it really takes that much energy to make someone else’s day with a simple favor.  Allow people to be grateful for you the same way you’re grateful for them.  Returning kindnesses is just as important as being grateful about the kindness that others show on to you.  Pay attention to what going on in the world around you, not the just the world that exists in your mind.

Gratitude is something that should bring you back to earth when you’ve been drifting away in your own world for a bit to long.  We have every right to be engaged in the work that we are doing to accomplish our goals’, and it’s important that we are persistent (*wink wink*) about where we want to be in life.  But without gratitude we forget to stop and realize how far we’ve come, and how much we’ve grown.  The lessons that we learn from gratitude are endless.  Feeling grateful isn’t just about being thankful it’s about the realization and appreciation of the things that you have in your life.  When you are appreciative of the life that you have, those little inconveniences mean nothing.  Things that annoyed you so easily before, don’t, and it’s because you are appreciative.  Being grateful effects how you interact with your environment, the people in it and yourself.

We go through the motions of our day so quickly that we aren’t able to remember the little things that might seem minimal, but matter the most.  Gratitude allows us to be humble and take a step up back from only thinking about ourselves.  We become humble, and realize that every moment truly does count.  How are you going to implement being grateful into your daily routine?  What are some tips that you’d suggest?  Comment Below!

Photographer| Jokovisuals.com

About The Blog

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I started this lifestyle blog to give you the reassurance that doing things for yourself is absolutely okay.  I’m going to show you that self-care  and wellness are the most important things in your life right now.  We are all going through life at different rates, but that doesn’t mean that our peace of mind should suffer.  The purpose of this is blog is to help you realize that we should all be doing the things that we love because it brings us peace. Here, you can be heard when it feels like no one else is listening.  I’m here to show you how to practice real self-care, none of that other fluffy shit. It’s time to reinvent what self-care means.  We all know it isn’t all face masks and bubble baths.  It’s also breaking down the hardships that you go through and why you go through them.  We’re all going through hardships, it’d be easier if we went through them together