There are so many times I think we often find ourselves wondering that age old question, how did I get here, how did we form these attachments. There are so many times looking into the past I see the a version of myself I do not understand most times. Let me tell you something that might be for the best. As person who has been in therapy for years to now put myself into educating myself in the field myself there are still so many questions and I think that is what has always encouraged me with the mind, mental health and substance use.
But this has more to do with the attachment of it all. I sit with clients and as I have said I have been the client, the victim and the survivor of so many things in my life that have always pushed me to reach others and continue to my goals, education and research into understand this topic immensely more.
As a mother who obviously began as an infant as we all do, there is always the age old question did we have a proper child hood. Are we a product of where we come from, what we seen, or experienced. Then we become parents as we try to either try to give our own kids what we grew up with or the furthest things from. Nonetheless children who feel a void are often going through life looking to fill that void in other area in their lives. So now that begs the question what void wasn’t full… and why? Where did that stem from? One can sit there and say traveling through these past questions means nothing but connecting these dots are more important than we think at times.
I first started wondering about this as I sit on the bathroom floor questioning my very own life. This wouldn’t be my first time questioning this either. I spent a lot of my youth questioning my life and my early 20’s before my first suicide attempt. I do not think I fully processed my diagnosis let alone why or how I got there before I tried to fix the surface issues with a bandaid of “no one is ever going to love me now IM crazy!” So, I didn’t I fell in love with someone who seemed to love me for who I thought I was… crazy. The bipolar manic depressive , overwhelming and over weight women who truly did not know who she was or where she was, where she was going or who had ever loved herself. If I have one regret it was not processing what I did years after then. But everything happens as it supposed too they say and for some parts of life I believe this as well because I wouldn’t have become a mother myself.
